I just threw up on my dentist
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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