Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
