Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
