Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
