I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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