i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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