That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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