CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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