You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Of course I have a pirate flag
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
