dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
