The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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