So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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