does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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