Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
