shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
