when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
