did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
only you would photoshop your dick
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
