nut hugger
my phone needs a breathalizer
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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