remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
