She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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