i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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