Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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