If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
