now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
