Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
