hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
