i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
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