It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
