I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
