Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
