i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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