This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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