WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
