Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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