If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
