So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
