my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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