I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
