Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
