I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
