Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
