i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Welp...herpes.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
