I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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