do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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