I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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