Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
