Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He did a backflip because drugs
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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