Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
