You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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