I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
