Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
