I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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