i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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