My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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