batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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