Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Fuck appropriateness.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
